So my thoughts on fashion are ever-changing once again. I started selling my clothes online. Like a lot of stuff that I just haven’t worn in forever. Honestly it feels really good. I’m not even sure how it happened, but I just don’t contribute to fast fashion anymore. It’s non-existent in my life. The best part is that I’m actually making money off of it, not the other way around.
Where I buy my clothes from
I never buy new clothes. How is that even possible, I honestly don’t even know. But damn do I have amazing luck at thrift stores. I find exactly my style all the time for so cheap forever 21 can’t beat it. That is exactly how I like it, it’s almost like a game in a way. I’ll buy myself clothes from thrift stores wear them until I just either don’t want to anymore or they just don’t fit. Then bam! I simply resell them and make all the money and more back. A couple of weeks ago I bought and Anthropologie dress at goodwill for five dollars. I wore it once then realized it was a tad too fancy to be worn often so I decided to sell it. I made thirty dollars once I sold it. That’s a twenty-five dollar profit, and I even got to enjoy it myself for a special night out. Everyone just needs to open their eyes, we can all work together to get out of this fast fashion black hole.
The best part is my wardrobe is amazing. I have clothes from free people, anthropologie, and others that are very expensive brands. That I could never afford otherwise. It’s not like you can tell that I purchased them for the smallest fraction of the actual price.
Long story short, I go shopping all the time, but I’m the one who is profiting.
I’m nervous, excited, but also scared deep down. My Dad is still going back and forth to whether or not we will be moving up north or if we will be getting a house in down town Fredericksburg. Part of me doesn’t even know which I prefer. I recently just got a job teaching more at the YMCA, but not for yoga, for home school PE. Which I’m honestly so excited about. It’s such a fun activity to be a part of, it really doesn’t feel like you’re working.
So, if we were to move up north I would have to commute which would be very annoying, and if we move to Fredericksburg I would be even closer than I am now. I’m honestly just using this to write my thoughts down, I wouldn’t say this is inspirational by any means.
It’s crazy how I’ve wanted change for so long, but now I’m actually feeling a sense of being scared. That’s probably normal, but I thought I was different. I think I’m just going to make a list of things I want in my life, and this is the change I actually need.
- my dog back- once that happens I can take her on walks again!
- a place I feel comforatblle sitting outside-I think this will spark my creativity once again
- more yoga classes to teach
- make more jewerly
- start college
- discover what my major will be – get a better idea of the area at least
- find another side hustle (after selling a lot of clothes on poshmark I’ve realized how possible it is to make money outside of a shitty job, because when you can’t get a job well you get creative)
- My dream is to have my own business, that is what I want, alongside teaching yoga of course
I’m writing to you,
This isn’t the first time and I’m sure it won’t be my last
I feel trapped again, I feel you soaking me up, consuming me
I feel everything you do, while everything around me pulls at my core
Pulses until I cry out for help because I’m only human
And you’re asking for too much out of this experience
I want out, I spend my days looking for any signs of it
Maybe an unlocked door, anything that can take me away.
Because I can’t connect, I cannot open my heart up to anyone
Even when one wants more than anything to listen to me
To wait as words flow off my lips
The words feel loose, and just like a button they fall before anyone notices
Being left there to stay
So, I have stayed.
I’ve stayed put, I’ve haven’t allowed anyone to get close to me.
To breathe me in
I’m not sure of any other way.
I’m sorry for mistreating you. You have so much to offer the world, and even with all of your great qualities I still make you believe you aren’t enough. That you could be more of this or more of that. And I’m sorry.
Sometimes I take my anxiety out on you. You have been putting so much time into branching out, trying to take on as many yoga classes as possible. And you’re doing such a good job. Why do I make you feel like it isn’t good enough? I can’t even really explain it to myself. It’s not your fault friends have come and gone. It’s not your fault that you feel the weight of the world almost all the time. It is apart of who you are, you’re a writer, a thinker, a true dreamer. You can’t help that your thoughts consist of your dream house with many windows. And warm air consuming you when you step outside. Because that’s your dream. And that is one thing I love about you, you obsess over things you love. That’s a reminder that I know not all hope is lost in you. You love to cook. That is such a good quality that you tend to overlook.
I’m writing to you to say I’m sorry.
I love how much you write. You have filled up journals ever since you can remember. This blog is a small look inside your mind. That you are now sharing with the world. Just because you have changed and you’re not the same person a few years ago doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. You’re mind is beautiful, and you still have so much to learn. I love you and it’s going to be okay. It’s not you. The world has brainwashed everyone into thinking they need to have their whole life figured out by the time they are eighteen.
That just isn’t the case. Think about how far you’ve come. Once again I’m sorry for giving you anxiety about your future. You deserve the best. The best state of mind.
So, snow is here once again in Virginia. I think I’m going to be up pretty late tonight, because my reality is becoming better than my dreams. I’ve started to gain a vision for myself. That is something I’ve been struggling with greatly the last several months. Looking at it now it seems like having a crying fest opened up my eyes to so much I’ve been missing.
We’re not meant to work our whole lives then die. I mean we’re still meant to work hard. Just putting our energy towards something we’re passionate about.
The point is I want to help people. Not in the normal way though, I don’t want to be a nurse or a doctor. I want to teach people yoga, and movement. I want to connect with people from all over the world. We can learn so much from exploring and that’s my goal. It’s like I can see it so clearly now. I want to start my own business. I know I can do it, I just need to start making spread sheets is all. The most successful people saw their dreams very clearly. Once you can see it yourself I think that starts it all, it becomes your reality. It’s all going to become my life.
I’ve been practicing yoga more than I have in months, and I think it is the only way I’ve been able to beat and lessen my depression. When you are truly connected to your yoga practice it’s like a completely new experience. I can feel the energy throughout my whole body, a feeling of wholeness overwhelms me. And I guess I just want to share that with you.
I’m not trying to force everyone to do yoga, because of course it may not have the same spiritual effect it has on me, on you. And that’s okay! But I think what it comes down to is diving deep and reawakening what your passion is. From that discovery you need to let that fill your time. It is so very important to do what makes you happy. Because if you’re not doing what makes you happy then what exactly are you living for?
I’ve been doing a lot of manifestation lately. Concerning love, and my career status. Let me just tell you, it’s working! I have applied to so many yoga instructor positions and even a dance instructor position. Now of course several people didn’t respond of responded with a no thank you. Let me just tell you about the good stuff now. I have received so much positive feedback and interest. Since I currently teach a yoga class and have experience it’s like the yoga world is my oyster.
Today I had a phone interview for a dance instructor job, and I honestly felt nervous. To my surprise, the job seems like I am the perfect candidate to teach. Not only is it a dance class, but it does do much more for the kids. The company focuses on happiness and truly building up confidence in these kids who participate in their classes. And that’s why they were so interested in me, because of my yoga instructor background.
It’s crazy! I have no dance teaching experience what so ever, but I got the job! Simply because well, I took the time to write an awesome cover letter. Explaining why I would still be a great fit. I feel so blessed by the universe and all its wonderful energy it’s giving me. Manifestation truly works, and the best part is I have two more interviews next week with different yoga studios. And on top of that I am currently waiting on two emails in return to a back and forth conversation. So, what that basically means is the universe is letting me know that right now I need to dive deep into teaching and fully embrace all the benefits from it.
It’s December 22 , 2018. So I think I have a very different understanding of happiness then I did a year ago. Happiness comes from the soul, that is the only place where you can truly feel it. I feel like my heart is lite and filled with peace. I’m looking at losses and situations differently this time around. My approach is forgiveness, and letting go. This time around I feel like I’m ready to let all the pain leave my soul. I have no room for it anymore, there is so much love ready to come into my life. And I’m holding the door wide open.
The sky is very blue today as well. I think that’s a sign that things are going to be easier, in the new year. I think every year in December there is so much reflection, so many hopes and opportunities. In 2019 I’m going to focus on not letting my light become dull. I refuse to allow anyone ever again to control my life and happiness. But that is not the point of what I’m trying to say.
Today I wrote so much. I filled my journals with my thoughts and goals. I’ve missed that part of me. And that is why I’m so happy. Everything is coming back to me, I’ve been blessed once again with a mind full of thoughts and creativity. So if you’re reading this just know that I will be writing so much more, and if you have any suggestions or questions about my experience and life just ask.